It can be said that the male human being is perhaps the horniest of all species on Earth. The average guy thinks about sex at least nine hundred times per day, according to studies which surveyed tons of men who weren’t being completely honest. Those figures are likely much higher, which is why there are so many sex machines on the market these days.
What Is a Sex Machine? HINT: It’s not your weird uncle after a few gin and tonics.
Don’t be one of the lame guys who has no clue what a male sex machine is. Although it probably won’t come up in casual conversation, it’s definitely something you want to know. This isn’t “rocket surgery,” fellas. Here, let me break it down for you:
Put as simply as humanly possible, a sex machine is a man-made self-pleasure device. It’s uniquely designed to produce orgasmic sensations to the human body through either manual or automatic movements. Made from a wide variety of materials and having a large range of features, there are no two identical sex machines on the modern market.
With that said, it can be tough for a noob to find a decent device. Dubbed “sex toys” by the majority of the population, these things are often pricey and high-tech. In other words, buying a new sex toy is strictly business. Because of that, many sex machine manufacturers do everything in their power to capture the consumer’s attention. I don’t want to say this twice: buyer beware.
One way that you can avoid getting ripped off is by familiarizing yourself with what’s out there. Understand your body too and get to know the things that turn you on (or off). Fortunately, there are enough sex machines on today’s shelves to appease every taste under the sun. If you can’t find something worth your while, you’re probably not doing it right.
The Main Features of a Modern-Day Male Sex Machine
Back in the day, you’d be hard-pressed to find a decent sex machine for men no matter how hard you looked. It used to be that women were the only ones with self-pleasure tools, having actually been prescribed such devices by doctors to treat things like sexual frustration, insomnia and hysteria. As sad as that may be for the boys who were left out of the loop for so many years, it certainly speaks volumes about the importance of a satisfying orgasm.
That important discovery was definitely not overlooked by the gods of good sex. A few decades ago, brazen manufacturers began making self-pleasure machines for dudes using what they’d learned throughout history. What came next was nothing short of a miracle: tons of high-end male sex machines, each with a laundry list of its own fabulous features, started flooding the market.
But, before you head out for swim, let’s be sure to go over the basics, shall we? Now that we know what a sex machine is, let’s start understanding the main components you can expect to find. Keep in mind, however, that each of the components I’m about to mention will vary WIDELY depending on the maker.
- The Hole
Perhaps the most definitive part of any male sex machine, the hole is where you shove your throbbing “tromboner” when it’s time to play. On good devices, the hole is shaped to resemble life-like genitalia (pussy or ass), and whether that be human-like or not is up to the user. Holes typically vary in size and tightness, so be sure to check the specs.
- The Sleeve
Called a “sleeve” despite looking more like a sock, this part of any male sex machine features tantalizing textures and varying lengths. Many times, they’re removable for quick cleaning or even interchangeable with other sleeves from the same brand. My advice: stick with something simple until you figure out what you like.
- The Casing
Equally as important as the hole and sleeve yet not exactly part of the pleasure package, the outer casing of any male sex machine holds everything together while making it ergonomically correct and suitable for the average male grip. You’ll see several shapes and sizes here, and while it may seem like an unimportant decision made purely in vanity, I urge you to reconsider.
- The Instructions
Some of these modern-day male sex machines are surprisingly high-tech, with features that require a basic knowledge of the internet, Bluetooth and virtual reality. Fortunately, even the most simplistic sex toys come with a set of instructions. How easy those instructions are to follow is the real question.
- The Storage
Regardless of what you buy, you’re going to have to find a place to put it when you’re all done. Some of the more luxurious devices come with handy-dandy storage pouches, but that’s not always the case. Make sure you get everything needed to stay discreet or you’ll be sorry. Don’t learn this lesson by having an awkward conversation with your roommates like I did.
Manual or Automatic: Which Is Better?
There is no right answer when it comes to the question of whether manual or automatic sex machines are better. Each one has its own benefits and drawbacks, so it’s really a matter of personal preference. All I can say is that you’re likely to get a few more performance enhancing options with an automatic machine. There, I said it.