WDon’t speak up at that party until you read this in its entirety! At some point, somebody is bound to bring up the topic of sex toys and you’ll need to be prepared. This is especially true if you happen to be a male, simply because self-pleasure devices haven’t always been available for dudes.
Being among the few men who knows what’s out could be considered a privilege, so wield your wisdom carefully. Let’s make sure you didn’t miss anything, shall we? After all, nobody likes conversational blue balls, not even that weird guy hunkered down by himself in the corner.
What Is a Male Sex Toy?
They say that anything can be a sex toy if you’re brave enough. And while there may be some truth to that, it’s usually a better idea to stick with objects that are innately designed to produce orgasm. Those “objects” are referred to as “sex toys,” and they’re made for men, women and couples (including those super freaky couples who never get invited to the party).
As for male sex toys, they’re designed a bit differently than your run-of-the-mill female vibrator or dildo. Most feature a specifically shaped orifice that’s usually made to resemble a vaginal opening or anal canal. They all have various sized sleeves and some of the best manufacturers have even incorporated textures into theirs in an effort to improve sensations.
Male sex toys, on average, are made from extremely durable materials that are skin-safe and hyper-realistic. However, there’s always an exception to the rule. Even some of the big-name brands put out pieces of shit from time to time, so it pays to do your due diligence when shopping for a dick device regardless of the brand’s reputation.
Humble Beginnings: A Brief History of Male Sex Toys
Male sex toy manufacturers didn’t have to work very hard to get the reputations they have, mostly because men are horny ALL THE TIME. Show them something that will jerk them off with minimal manual effort and you’re an overnight millionaire. Such is the case for many of today’s sex toy brands, but I digress.
The reality is that fake vaginas and asses have been around for nearly as long as masturbation itself, although society’s ability to talk openly about it hasn’t always been up to par. It wasn’t even until the 1960s that public sex shops were dubbed legal in the United States. Talk about behind the times! There were some humble beginnings to speak of, though, especially since masturbation has long been considered sinful and taboo.
Back in the day, the best a man thought he could get was a willing palm or a homemade fifi made from a tube sock and hopelessness. Before that, the desperate men of ancient Greece would use stale bread to beat their meat, slapping on olive oil as a lubricant. Fortunately, a few decades ago brought the winds of change. A perverted police officer with too much testosterone and too much time on his hands decided to invent the famous Fleshlight and the rest is history. Seemingly busting down the doors between male sexuality and shameless self-pleasure, other companies soon followed suit and now we have more male sex toys on the market than we know what to do with. Sometimes when you win, you lose.
What’s Going on These Days?
Speaking of losing, it’s possible for a man to lose his damn mind once he realizes the sheer volume of choice on today’s sex toy market. These days, male masturbation is not only considered perfectly acceptable but it’s also thought of as healthy and helpful to a relationship. As a result, there are literally tens of thousands of toys available, from low-tech pocket pussies to high-tech auto-blow machines with Bluetooth and virtual reality capabilities.
Thanks to the digital revolution and the invention of the internet in 1990, there has been an incredible shift in how men choke their chicken. The worldwide web opened up a brand-new world for fans of debauchery, and I’m not just talking about online porn. Now, men can enjoy that very same pornography while reaching climax alongside their favorite lover or porn star without any personal interaction whatsoever– and all this, complete with realistic movements, textures and regulatable “body” temperatures.
It could be said that fake vaginas are going to take over the world, but that’s only possible if the real thing becomes completely unavailable. Although many of today’s best male sex toys offer some amazing sensations and provide lots of incredible user-friendliness, there’s still a long way to go before men swap their lovers for a hunk of plastic. It looks like we’ll have to keep buying dinner to get laid, boys.
A Few Tips from the Pros: Jumping on the Sex Toy Bandwagon
Getting your feet wet isn’t as difficult as I’ve made it sound. Yes, there are tons of options out there. Yes, not everything is made the same (even if it looks similar to something else). Yes, you’ll probably have to undergo some trial and error before you find the sex toy that’s right for you. And while all of those things seem overwhelming at first, try to keep in mind the pleasure you’ll derive from your search. After all, this isn’t like shopping for the best health insurance plan or anything; you might actually enjoy yourself.
It’s truly not hard to jump on the bandwagon here, especially if you take the time to read a few reviews and/or check out some buying guides which will help you to select the top rated sex toys for men. You see, men got sick of fucking tube socks a long time ago, and those same men have created an enormous industry around busting the best nut. So, while there may be too many options to digest at once, try to remember this: there was once a day when men like you and me had no other choice than to take what we could get or go without.